This is the first line of James Joyce’s epic novel, Dubliners.
I’m not recommending you read this book (can you say “dense prose?”). I’m merely recommending that you ponder the meaning of this sentence.
Joyce reveals Mr. Duffy as a one-dimensional bureaucrat who lives an unattractively, colorless life. He is the cut off from his feelings, defined by rules, and drifting aimlessly without purpose and with no meaningful connections.
Though I have never been a bureaucrat, I remember feeling this same sense of being cut-off from my body.
As a teenager and 20-something, I was diagnosed with several stress-related illnesses, one of which was irritable bowel syndrome. The doctors told me that drinking Immodium or Milk of Magnesia or some such chalky liquid would bring relief in the short run.
But, they said, this illness had its roots in my mind.
They sent me to therapy, where the counselor informed me that IBS is common among young college-aged women. The average University co-ed was under too much stress.
Ironically, hearing the psychologist utter the word “psychosomatic” made me crazy. You won’t believe this but I would have rather been diagnosed with a brain tumor than a psychosomatic ailment.
(Now I know the truth — that ALL ailments are psychosomatic because there is no separating the psyche from the body.)
If my mind was making my body sick, why couldn’t my mind tell my body to stop it with the stomach ache already? I could not figure it out.
Luckily, a few years (and hundreds of bottles of Pepto) later, I discovered yoga.
The yoga wasn’t magic. It was nothing like taking a pill and –POOF– being cured. The yoga helped me live in my body 24/7. I learned to feel again. I learned to feel sensations in my body – even subtle ones. I learned how to feel my feelings.
It’s living in your body. Inhabiting your body. Having embodied awareness. Cultivating a healthy relationship with your body.
I am grateful for yoga.
And all these years later, I wonder if I would have found yoga if I had not suffered from “psychosomatic ailments.”